Update

Much has happened since the depressing post I put up last - festivals, a hectic vacation, gatherings and family get-togethers. All is well with the world again - well at least my world. For now.

If wishes were horses

I'm the kind of person who dwells in the past. I love looking back, replaying events in my mind and looking at it from all angles.

When I left Hyderabad few years back, I left behind a life and friends that I had dearly loved. I was the first to leave the group and every time I called them I'd be green with jealousy even if all they were saying was how the maid was on leave and they had to do the dishes. I hated the fact that I was not part of it anymore. It took me a great deal of time to make a new beginning when I eventually did there was no looking back.

Two months after my return from SLC I am going through a similar phase. I am struggling to disconnect and move on. Struggling to make a new start. And this time there is also this gnawing feeling that I am not even sincerely trying. Social networking sites are making it worse, photo and status updates on orkut/facebook are constant reminders of what I am missing.
I don't regret my decision to come back. I did what I had to do. But I wish could look ahead and plan my future rather than worry about whats gone. I wish.

Conversations

Them : We have to discuss this. Please let me know if 8:00 pm is a suitable time for you.
me : How about we schedule it in the morning, 10:00 am?
Them : No, I am not free. Please let me know if 8:00 pm is a suitable time for you.
me : Ok then, how about at 9:00 pm?
Them : I have a meeting. Please let me know if 8:00 pm is a suitable time for you.
me : Ok, it is.

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Them : This is the design we came up with, please let me know if you have any suggestions.
me : Umm, it looks a bit complicated, how about we do this instead?
Them : No, it has already been approved and finalized by higher management and their higher management and by God himself. Nothing you ever say will make any difference, please let me know if you have any suggestions.
me : It looks good.

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Four and 24 days.

I forgot my blog's birthday! That too when it turned 4, old enough to realize the ways of the world. I have reached heights of self obsession - forgetting MY blog's bday where I rant about ME.

Appy b'day bloggy, I'm sorryy!

3rd year birthday post
2nd year birthday post
1st year birthday post
0th year birthday post

Sentimental fool

That would be me. This is so typical of me. First, I complain when there is a big change about to happen in my life. Then I begin to love that change. And when its time to get back, I complain again.

I'll miss all of this. *sniff*

Now if you will excuse me I have some senti mails to send. See ya!

Escaping Reality

Is that even possible? Can one pause time, take a break from life and escape into a world unreal? Yet, many back home tell me that I am doing just that by being here. I am not escaping anything. The people I've met, the places I've seen, the lifetime of memories I've collected, those strong emotions, they are real. Unfortunately unless you have reached the milestones set by others for you, no matter what you do or achieve is as good as doing nothing at all. They mean nothing. I should learn to care less but it makes me sad. And in the process of convincing others I wonder if I am convincing myself. This is real. How can it be anything else?

Live and Loud

One of the first things I did after I had settled down was to look for listings of bands performing in town. I could recognize only 2 in the list, one was Travis and the other Keane. (It is ok if your reaction is 'who the hell are they'. I think worldspace (radio voyager) introduced me to both the bands. Look them up maybe you'll like their music) Anyhoo, I attended both the concerts. Travis performed to a smaller crowd and it almost felt like they were performing just for me. I had done my preparation well before they came to town and had grown very fond of their music. Frank Healy, the lead singer with his sexy Scottish accent and beautiful voice wooed the crowd. Even my friends who had never heard the band before ended up enjoying the whole night. This is easily one of the best live performances I have seen. Keane, I had decided to not go because I couldn't find company but changed my mind just hours before the show. A much well known band than Travis, this drew a big crowd. I did have a very good time but there was something amiss. I couldn't connect to them. And then, he (Tom) sang 'Somewhere only we know'. Beautiful, beautiful song.

Closer -Travis

Somewhere only we know - Keane

Live performances. Me likes. Makes me happy.

Bands/Artists I want to see performing live
- A R Rehman
- Sonu Nigam
- Shubha Mudgal
- Bon Jovi
- Green Day
- Coldplay
- Madonna

Will add more to this list, why cant I think of anyone else right now?