Monday, November 10, 2008

On being a loser

Early this year I entered a poetry competition at work. I am no writer and certainly not a poet but I gave it a shot anyway. I figured that I probably had a small chance of winning because I was competing against my colleagues, how many software engineers wrote poetry anyway? I didn't win. But I wouldn't settle for it. They had only announced the winners, I wrote to the people who organized it to publish the winning poems so that everyone could appreciate it. Real reason was I wanted proof that the winning poems were indeed better than mine. They never responded. I then wrote to the winner congratulating him and asked him if I could read his work. He didn't respond either. I gave up after that but I concluded that there was something fishy. The winner knew the organizer perhaps. Or maybe he his work was not original and he had fooled the judges.

Yesterday we (we were a team of 2) lost at a coding challenge at work. I wont go into the details of how I think it was unfair and how we deserved to win. That will defeat the purpose of this post. What really happened was we ran out of luck, my partner thinks it was because God was angry with her. After the contest I called a friend who on hearing the news said girls cant code anyway. I wanted to murder him. Today my manager tells me he was expecting us win. It hurts. As you might have guessed by now I am not good at this losing thing. In this case what also mattered was who I lost to. Last month I lost a promotion to the same guy who won y'day. If he wasn't a good friend I would have hated him. It is not validation that I need, I know exactly where I stand. But I guess I was using this contest as forum to prove myself and it hurts because I failed at that. This might just be a silly contest but thinking about how I have reacted to all major setbacks in my life, I do exactly the same thing. I cry foul, I sulk and I mope and then I spring back to normal. I don't have a problem about the sulking and moping but I guess the crying foul has to stop. I might be wise and responsible but I still have some growing up to do. And I need to put a leash on my ego before it goes out of hand. That or I need to win more often ;)


raven said...

um! looks like you haven't sprung back to normal yet. Chill maadi. I know losing is hard, and losing it to someone u think is ok-ok types is even harder. It hurts so much coz we take everything personal and emotional.

Rinchen said...

Hehehe... chill madi, hudgi :D

I hate too. I thought the term "graceful loser" was a myth till I saw John McCain's reaction but still think its an extreme call for people like me.

I guess I'm an incorrigible sore loser. Not being able to change only.

FlyingHigh said...

raven, hehe yeah, now normal. Was not when I wrote this. But you are right, this is so personal. I am trying hard to be all grown up about this.

rinchen, hehe hudugi...nice! Seeing my partner's reaction I have come to believe that its normal. But I guess going after that poetry competition's winner was a bit too childish. I am making an effort and will try to act all grown up next time :D

Balaji said...

>> my partner thinks it was because God was angry with her.


realistic dreamer said...

baah!.. thats ok, i do the same thing. iam sure most of them cry foul, except a few "godly" ones.

winning more is a btter option, but sulking is ok too.. recovery is faster, than when one feels " i wasnt good enough"!!

FlyingHigh said...

Balaji, heh yeah.

rd, very true. It is far better than putting oneself down.

Kari Koshi said...

yeah you win you loose its part of life.

i saw your mothers paintings --
looks great and she must a professional.