The End

What hurts most when a relationship is nearing end? Rejecting the other person or being rejected? Having been on the both sides I know it sucks either way. The guilt of being the bad person while you are the one rejecting and the downward spiral one descends into on being rejected. It never is easy.

Here is to another crappy year that is nearing end and hoping the next one will be better!

Kemmanagundi Day 2.

Plan for day 2 was to go to 'Hebbe Falls'. They took us in jeeps on a 10km bumpy ride. Kemmanagundi literally means ditch with red soil. By the time we reached we were completely red. From there we set out on another 2 km downhill trek through a coffee estate and crossed three small water bodies to reach the falls. The sight was splendid! I hadn't planned to get in the water but it was very inviting and got fully drenched in the ice cold water. Back the same route in same jeep this time wet and tired, it was time to leave. What I fail to describe here is the awesome fun that we had every single moment. I guess its not just the place you see and the things you do that matter but the company that really makes the difference. And maybe because it had been so long since I had had such unbridled fun this trip will be remembered for a long time to come.

Kemmanagundi Day 1.

So we did go on our trip, a beautiful hill station 250km from B'lore. Day 1 started with trekking to 'Z point' uphill. The guide kept saying it was an easy terrain, I beg to differ. It only got scarier as we took the narrow path leading up the hill (mini mountain rather),the view down wasn't helping either. One wrong step and you would go sliding all the way down to the jaws of death. With the guide saying things like 'keep to your right...I mean your left' I was sure I wouldn't be going back home after this. En route we stopped at a tiny water falls called Shanti falls. Plan was to reach the hill top to see the sunset, by the time we reached it was pitch dark and the moon was out. Though we were jubilant the thought of reaching back down in the dark was gnawing me. We took the same route back, I don't remember much except there were a lot of nervous laughter until the time we were fully safe. Tea and pakodas later they took us some 4km from base camp in the wild where we were to camp. Save for the bonfire there was absolutely no light, even the moon decided to hide, look all around one could see vast nothingness. Few games,laughter and a good dinner later we retired to the safety of our tents. Sure it was preplanned and there were lots people but this was by far the most adventurous day in my life.

Planning a trip and women at work

I hate organizing trips or organizing anything for that matter. This time however I was desperate to travel, so I volunteered. People at work were excited about the idea of going on a holiday, all we needed was a plan. And a location of course. The guys wanted a place that served cheap booze (read goa or pondy), some preferred mountains while some preferred the sea. After much discussion we had come up with probable list of places to visit. Zeroing in on one place was turning out to be a challenge. I started my research, whichever place was most viable would be chosen. After about 2 days of googling, calling up travel agents, hotels and taxi drivers I finally found out a perfect package tour to a place none of us had visited. Planning the whole trip myself was turning out very taxing and this looked perfect. Whats best, even though this wasn't on our list everyone readily agreed. I was ecstatic. Agreeing on a place followed by choosing a date is the hardest thing when you plan a trip with many people. We had successfully managed to do both. It was a good sign, maybe we were going to pull this one off after all (I have a high failure rate when it comes to going on trips, don't blame me for making a big deal out of this). After the initial inquiry mail I got a reply from the organizers that kids below 11 weren't allowed. My friend who has a 3 year old son (who btw is very cute calls me chechi) was distraught. She asked me to choose another place instead. I wasn't willing to let go and tried my best to suggest alternatives. Maybe her husband could take care of him for the weekend? Maybe she could bring him along but stay away from the adventure activities? When she wouldn't budge I hinted that she should drop out instead of all of us canceling. When she didn't get the hint I gave her an option, I asked her to do all the hard work, come up with an alternate place, make the arrangements and convince others, if she managed to that I'd have no problems else she'd have to back out. It was an impossible task she gave up almost as soon as she started.

Compare the planning of the trip to a project, my friend a team member, I was being the mean old insensitive manager! Just because she had a family (she was the only one married in the group) I was giving her a tough time, hadn't paid attention to her needs and was asking her to step down from the project. All these years I have been bitching about my male bosses and how selfish they can get, how women get a raw deal and how it is doubly tough for women to survive in this industry thanks to bosses like them. Am I then a hypocrite?

Maybe the comparison is not fair. My friend was being unrealistic and I knew it. At one time she even mentioned about bringing along her in-laws. She was going to ruin it for everyone and it would have been a complete failure of the project...I mean the trip. I'd have to be the one to take the blame. Her being a woman or her being married had nothing to do with it. It was a tough decision but I had to act in the interest of everyone. As for the mean old managers who think married women don't make good employees, they can go to hell. I am going to plan another trip sometime next month that everyone can make it to, not because a good manager would do so, because a good friend would do so.

Bangalore's Anthem

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a JAM  you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better now
You're stuck in a JAM and you can't get out of it

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if your way should falter
Along the stony pass
It's just a JAM
This time will pass 

Before you start protesting, translation to Kannada is in progress. Patience.

On being a loser

Early this year I entered a poetry competition at work. I am no writer and certainly not a poet but I gave it a shot anyway. I figured that I probably had a small chance of winning because I was competing against my colleagues, how many software engineers wrote poetry anyway? I didn't win. But I wouldn't settle for it. They had only announced the winners, I wrote to the people who organized it to publish the winning poems so that everyone could appreciate it. Real reason was I wanted proof that the winning poems were indeed better than mine. They never responded. I then wrote to the winner congratulating him and asked him if I could read his work. He didn't respond either. I gave up after that but I concluded that there was something fishy. The winner knew the organizer perhaps. Or maybe he his work was not original and he had fooled the judges.

Yesterday we (we were a team of 2) lost at a coding challenge at work. I wont go into the details of how I think it was unfair and how we deserved to win. That will defeat the purpose of this post. What really happened was we ran out of luck, my partner thinks it was because God was angry with her. After the contest I called a friend who on hearing the news said girls cant code anyway. I wanted to murder him. Today my manager tells me he was expecting us win. It hurts. As you might have guessed by now I am not good at this losing thing. In this case what also mattered was who I lost to. Last month I lost a promotion to the same guy who won y'day. If he wasn't a good friend I would have hated him. It is not validation that I need, I know exactly where I stand. But I guess I was using this contest as forum to prove myself and it hurts because I failed at that. This might just be a silly contest but thinking about how I have reacted to all major setbacks in my life, I do exactly the same thing. I cry foul, I sulk and I mope and then I spring back to normal. I don't have a problem about the sulking and moping but I guess the crying foul has to stop. I might be wise and responsible but I still have some growing up to do. And I need to put a leash on my ego before it goes out of hand. That or I need to win more often ;)

Lamp without lady

One thing off my list

I don't have a bucket list. Nothing that is documented at least. But yes there are a few things I want to do before I kick the bucket. One of the things on that list as I remember saying it to a friend was 'To give a good talk in front of an intelligent audience'. Last week I had the opportunity to do just that. It was a big event open for anyone to attend and it went ok. 'Ok' being not too good not too bad. The turn out was poor plus mine being the last talk people were losing interest, I had to rush through the presentation and hurry up. I hadn't really volunteered to do this and I hadn't done any of the hard work. It was a good opportunity that had come by, I just took it up.

Technically though, it was a good talk and even if there were very few people who attended I'd like to believe they were intelligent. So thats one thing off my list. Given the kind of inactivity this year has seen this also gives me something to blog about. So there.

The Tag in which I talk about that four letter word

I am tagged. And its called ahem, 'The love tag' *blush*. Of all the things I could write about now, relationships is one topic I don't want to touch upon. But see rule 2 below. Since I am such a stickler for rules I'll let go of my guard and do just that. Rinchen, I hate you for making me do this.

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

RULE #2 Tag 6 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. If your lover betrayed you what would your reaction be?
I'll walk out and think of ways to hurt him back. When I am done with the crying and plotting I'll get on with life.

2. If you have a dream come true, what would it be?
I'd want to go back in time and set few things right.

3. If you could, whose butt would you like to kick?
Theres only one person I can think of right now. And I cant mention him here.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
I'd buy a private jet and go beach hopping.

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
I am very much the fall in love with your best friend kinda person. But the problem is if break up you also lose your best friend.

6. Which is more blessed: loving someone or being loved by someone?
Being loved.

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you love?
I wouldn't wait.

8. If the person you secretly like is attached, what will you do?
Bitch about the one he is attached to and then go find someone else to secretly like.

9. If you could root for one social cause, what would it be?
This question makes me feel guilty. I used to volunteer at a children's home near by. I don't anymore but yeah it would have to do with providing basic education for kids. Theres so much talent out there its a pity lot of it goes wasted.

10. Do you lie?
Yes sometimes. Harmless ones.

11. Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?
I cant see myself 3 months from now, 10 years is too far ahead. I hope I have enough stories to tell from all that I have done in the next 10 years.

12. What’s your fear?
Being lost, not finding my way out.

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Rinchen, Shes witty, forthright and intelligent. So much I can tell from her writing and I love her blog! She also has good taste because we seem to have a lot in common.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?

I am single and rich. Why cant I be married and rich?

15. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously who will you pick?
I somehow don't find myself in such situations.

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
Yes. Its not a relationship if you don't.

17. Would you forgive and forget someone no matter how horrible a thing he has done?
Nope. Refer question 1.

18. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?
Being in a relationship because that way there is always someone even if at times you have to hate that someone.

19. Your all time favourite song. Only ONE. And why?

The song from an old hindi movie that goes like this :

Aa chal ke tujhe, main le ke chaluun ik aise gagan ke tale jahan gam bhii na ho, aansoo
bhi na ho bas pyaar hii pyaar pale

It talks about a better place. And someone taking you there. Its nice.

Too much mush. I am glad this is done.

And I tag only two people (who also happen to be my bestest buddies) so you guys have to do it 3 times each! Sorry no breaking the rules.

realistic dreamer : Time you started writing again.

raven : This will be your very first tag! Aren't you glad I tagged you now?

What have you been up to?

'But what have you been doing all these years? Where have you been?'
I felt then as if I had been called upon to justify the entirety of my existence, to account for the years I had spent here.

-Excerpt from Amitav Ghosh's The Hungry Tide.

The reason I keep low these days mostly on social networking sites is because more often than not people ask me the same question; 'What have you been up to?'. And I feel exactly the same way the author describes in that passage. That people want me to justify the time I've spent. Don't get me wrong, I am always asking people the same question as a conversation starter but when I am asked this its not so much that person wants to know what I have been up to but mostly why I haven't been doing things people my age should be doing. Maybe I am reading too much into this, maybe I am disappointed with the answers I come up with, maybe I am really not happy with what I have been up to, what ever it is, it is one question that I have begun to dread.

What I'd really like my answers to be like when someone asks me next :

I have been touring the Bahamas.

I have been busy with research work for my PhD.

I have been busy signing a deal with umm [insert rich business tycoon/celebrity name]

I have been working on a script for a new television show.

I have been preparing for my speech that I'll be giving at [insert prestigious university name].

You get the point.

Anyhoo, to deviate from the topic I have always been very prejudiced when it came to Indian authors. I have avoided them on the pretext that most write unnecessarily complicated, long and boring books. The last book I liked was Shashi Tharoor's Riot (This was before people knew him and it was okay to say you liked him in public). The Hungry tide has changed my opinion, I am now shopping for more of Amitav Ghosh's books and will also catch up with other good authors whose books I have missed.

So what have you been up to?

Golkonda Fort

Lastly set of pics of my favorite place, the Golkonda fort.

Chudi Bazaar

I love bangles. Just the sight of it makes me happy.

Hyderabad, one more time.

Back from an eventful trip. Pictures for now.




Charminar from a weird angle.


The four minars.
Bhagyalakshmi temple at charminar.


Orange and Green.

Fashion Advice

At the bus stop a girl aged around 12 years takes an interest in me and this is the conversation that ensued.

Girl : Why do you wear pant and shirt, I think you look good in chudidhars.
Me : Erm, have you seen me before?
Girl : No this is the first time I'm seeing you.
Me : But this is a kurta, not a shirt.
Girl : I still think you'll look good in chudidhaars.

Sigh. Fashion police everywhere. At least she didn't say I looked bad in what I was wearing.

Another chapter ends

Quick notes on happenings and my experience working out of a client location in the last 3 months.

1. I felt valued again after a long time.
2. My ego which had taken a beating got a nice boost.
3. Met some really cool and interesting people.
4. Figured out exactly the kind of work I want to do.
5. Was admired and I couldn't understand why.
6. Learnt that I can sit through a 3 hr journey within the city doing nothing.
7. Saw how a big international corporate giant works. Not sure I like it.
8. Realized eating alone sucks more that I thought it would.
9. Gained 3 kilos.
10. Lost an umbrella.
11. Realized people problems are everywhere.
12. Found a new role model.
13. Realized that documentation is not so bad.
14. My public speaking skills improved though it still needs a lot of work.
15. Wrote my first ever farewell mail.
16. Not a single person asked me why I wasn't married yet. (except my classmate from college who I met but he doesn't count.)
17. Bridget Jones Moments were only two, when I almost fell out of the bus and when my umbrella went flying during a conversation with the boss.

Sigh. Time to move on.

Unfinished posts - 2

6. Untitled (8/11/07)
Much has been happening at work and I realize there is a lot involved to a functioning of a project other than the 4 lines of code that we write. Being good friends with the analyst helps, he tells me after very many calculations and function point analysis and what not that my team will need 6 months to finish. Then comes the manager who unaware of the discussion I had with the analyst tells me we have 3 months only. Much fun it is and Dilbert makes more and more sense everyday. All this estimation though was demystified seems bloody complex. And I began to wonder how budget and time estimations and planning is done for a big project in other industries. Think about movie making. A big bollywood potboiler. Do they have a tool where they input number of heroes and villains. Number of twists. Is it a love triangle? Quadrangle, more people so more time. Evil inlaws...who die so more people but not so much money. Comedian, he comes free, no change in numbers.

7. Untitled (9/7/07)
Nothing seems to be going right. For people around me. I am helpless...

8. Do you care to know where I've been and what I've seen? (9/23/07)
Back from Pune from an official trip. Feels good to be important. Especially when someone at the airport is waiting for you holding up a placard with your name. I wouldn't know because they had the wrong name up. The city though decked up for the festival looked old and worn out to me. But then I really didn't get a chance to see much of the city. Meanwhile back home, B'lore doesn't feel like home anymore. It is crowded and alien. I have never wanted to get away so bad. Also reading 'A thousand splendid suns' doesn't help. It is similar to Steinbeck's Grapes of wrath in the sense that the suffering just doesn't end. And to think it could have actually been a true story, that women in war torn troubled Afghanistan fought battles of survival everyday makes my spine shiver.

9. Untitled (3/5/08)
Its that time of the year (where I work) where everything we have done or not done in the last year is questioned, judged, appraised or ignored. Is there a way in which this can be done in a fair unbiased manner? The way it is designed right now is that it all boils down to one person and your relationship with that one person. The boss. That is in my opinion is unfair. And most people would agree the boss is not always your best buddy at work. To make things a bit confusing we recently turned into a 'flat' organization (whatever that means) from a hierarchical one. That is just a load of crap because there hasn't been any change in the reporting structure, all they did was throw at us some fancy new terms for existing design. To grow, one has to climb up the ladder though they tell you there is no ladder. So how does one get on top of this invisible ladder?

10. Khuda ke liye (4/7/08)
Maybe because I went in with high expectations I was disappointed watching this movie. The message is that Islam is misinterpreted and Muslims wrongly targeted and branded as terrorists. But this post is about the music which so totally rocks.

Unfinished posts -1

Writing doesn't come easy to me. I struggle for the right words, the right mood and the right composition every time I set out to write something. And I have a so many posts drafted that I actually don't remember now what I set out to write that day. And few posts though complete just didn't feel right hence never got published. Rather than them just sitting as drafts I'll publish those unfinished posts here, sometimes its good to not know how a story ends...

1. Is it only me. (12/3/05)

Do you ever get excited when you get a message on your mobile? You are tired of pressing the refresh button for the nth time, no new mails, suddenly you hear the message alert, your heart starts racing, you never get bored of seeing that '1 message received' icon, you try to make a guess, is it going to be that person you are thinking about? Is it a forwarded message? ....then of course you open the message to see its the service provider telling you about one of their promotional offers. But receiving sms's are so much more fun than getting calls, I mean where is the suspense when you see 'XYZ calling'?

2. Untitled (4/11/06)

I sometimes hate myself for not using this space to discuss important issues or things that might be interesting or useful to people. This blog has been about me, me and me. Its not that I don't care about the world around me, I most certainly do. Its not that I don't try, like today I really wanted to blog about the sorry state that Karnataka CET (entrance exam for proffesional courses) is in but I read this on my gmail tool bar "Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect."

3. Combating laziness (7/8/06)

I could have achieved so much more if I weren't this lazy. Erm.. let me rephrase that, I could have achieved something if I weren't this lazy. Yes, it is my biggest enemy and to this day it has ruled me. Several attempts to fight it resulted in nothing simply because I was too lazy to do anything more than just make an attempt. Starting Monday (Procrastination has got nothing to do with laziness, no?) I am going to put myself through a rigorous test for a week where I make the most of time and try to be as productive as possible. The rules are simple.

• Be disciplined : follow a fixed routine. (I have already completed 2 weeks of getting up at 5:45 in the morning and going for walks. Clap. Clap.)

• Do it now : No putting off things for tomorrow.

• Keep things in place :You think this is easy? I am a born klutz, the word 'order' doesn't figure in my dictionary (neither does simply because I don't know what they mean but that's not the point) This will also require me to designate a place for everything I own, right now everything is everywhere, the only rule I follow in keeping my things is 'Keep it out of Dog's reach'. I will do the designation part tomorrow after I clean the mess. (Boot camp starts Monday, I am allowed to put off things for now)
• If it doesn't build character or if it doesn't pay don't do it.
  

Oooh I am so excited.

4. Untitled (9/19/06)
When I got my new phone, I decided not to blog about it. Didn't want to be called a show off. The fact that i am a show off doesn't change but didn't want to be called one. My iPod got attention here but my cell wasn't supposed to. But there is a need to set somethings clear. I chose this baby after 4 months of careful research and consultations from different qualified people. And yet people have the nerve to tell me that it isn't a good choice. Are you kidding me? Yeah ok, maybe it isn't as sleek as your Motorola Vi3. But hello??? Does it have a 2MP camera?

5. Untitled (5/20/07)

So we did make it to the movie, dad insisted that we carry odomos, lest giant killer mosquitoes in the small theater attacked us and on reaching mom regretted not carrying kingfisher headphones because the sound was abnormally loud. Odomos smelling, red kingfisher headphones wearing freaks, ladies and gentlemen, thats my family for you. Anyhow, we didn't look like freaks and all of us quite enjoyed the movie. Very DDLJish, but its fresh and green and wet (what do you expect when the movie is called monsoon rains!). And theres a hot dimpled guy who turns up in the end who makes up for the Ganesh scenes in a vest (not baniyan, my sis corrects me). I am no authority to speak on Kannada movies the only movies I watched were Anant Nag movies (no surprise I liked Mungaru Male, Anant Nag is as good as ever) or few artsy movies by Girish Kasarvalli, but I think the movies coming out these days are much more matured than ever. They have done away with the 'cheap' image and are catering to a wider audience. Radio is playing a huge role. I only hope they make more original movies and stop copying from Bollywood.

Btw, dad paid for tickets and popcorn and pepsi, feel guilty now for not buying mom a gift :(

Fear Factor

Yesterday coming back from work there was this old guy (old compared to the otherwise young IT crowd) in the bus who mentioned there was some tension in the city. People got excited and there were frantic calls being made to learn more. The guy though wouldn't stop, I heard him make at least 15 calls calling different people warning them about the incident and with each call exaggerating a bit. So, he probably did a good thing by alerting people but I felt he was just creating panic. I called up a friend who works close by, he dismissed it saying the situation was under control and there was nothing to worry. This guy however, lets call him oldie, asked the driver to take a different route though the usual route hardly comes close to the affected area. He then made the driver switch on the radio to listen to the news, it wasn't even mentioned! After a lot of fidgeting and 'panic creating' he finally gave up realizing that the situation was probably under control. I heaved a sigh of relief and was about to go back to my music when oldie next made everyone in the bus close the windows. "Chinkungunya mosquitoes are coming in" he said. This after two giant mosquitoes had just bitten me. While his intentions were both good he was unnecessarily panicking and worse spreading the fear. And I could see he enjoyed it. Shows what an uninteresting life he otherwise has if this is how he derives joy. I spent the next one hour in the bus wondering how many days I'd have to take leave if I contracted the disease. Loser.

One, Two, Threeeeeeee

Blog turns 3 and I feel like I am 103! Reading few of my older posts I ask myself, when did I stop being funny?

This old age I tell you.

2nd year birthday post
1st year birthday post
0th year birthday post

Travel blues and greens and yellows

So it takes 2hrs for me to get back home from work. On a bad day 2.5 hrs. About 1.5 hrs to reach work in the morning. Surprisingly I don't have as much problem with it as people (including me) thought I'd have. It doesn't bug me so much. Maybe because I was prepared, I knew it was only for a short duration and I am not really loaded at work. I also don't have to come home to screaming kids or a nagging husband and cook or do anything of that sort. So yeah, it turned out ok. What did surprise me though was that I didn't know the traveling would actually help me. For one it is a perfect ice breaker when talking to people. 'So how long did it take today?' , 'Were you stuck there?' I only have to start ranting about the traffic and next thing I know is I am discussing elections with a complete stranger. Second, I quite enjoy the sympathy I get from everybody. 'You come from so far? Really? Must be so tiring'. Third, I escape from work as early as 4:00 pm, only to shop at the factory outlets lined up near the place. No one objected, I live so far you see.

The only problem I have though is that at the end of the day I can't help feel that two precious hours of my day is lost doing nothing. I don't mind the travel in the morning, not being a morning person those hours don't count. I do exactly what I'd do otherwise: Sleep. Traveling back home, I've tried everything possible, I cant sleep, I cant read, I get bored of my playlist easily. With the crap that they play on radio, listening to it is not even an option. So all the two hours goes in daydreaming and introspection. Both of which are useless and unproductive.

I have one more month of traveling to do. I think I am going to miss the travel and the conversations after that. But I really hope in years to come traveling within the city becomes easy. Two hrs a day is not worth losing in commute.

Glue

Are you friends with someone because he/she is a good friend of your friend. You know, A knows B, and B knows C. So A knows C. A, B and C hang out together and have a good time though if B is not around A and C are just ok, not that great together. B is the glue.

I am glue to few small groups but most importantly I know many glues and hence know quite a few people through the glues. But off late I am been lying low. Not doing a good job as glue. And not keeping in touch with glues. My social circle is thinning rapidly and this is not good news. All this because I have not been blogging/gtalking/orkut-facebooking/phoning as much.

So why have I been lying low? No apparent reason. Just. The change that I was dreading turned out to be great. Excellent, in fact. I am now a firm believer of the age old saying change is good. More on it later.

Anyhoo are you glue? Or more of a glue-befriender?

Kyunki padosi bhi humans hai

Yesterday night as I prepared to turn to bed, I heard loud voices followed by sounds of wailing women. Curious and worried I looked out of the window only to see my neighbour's family fight right in the middle of the road. There was some yelling, name calling, scuffles and few tears. The girl was to get engaged the next day, an inter-cast wedding, a drunk father, a house full of relatives, the scene was set for a typical family drama except it wasn't happening behind close doors but in the open for all to see. I kept watching them for sometime guiltily, hiding behind the drapes. Trying to piece together what might be happening and guessing who was who. Soon I got bored, the voices drowned and the silence of the night took over.

The problem with Indian families is that we worry too much about others, what they think and this whole so called 'image'. We prefer pretending to be perfect and put up a show even if the pretending is causing more damage. When such a thing happens people sympathize but are secretly glad to know that they are not alone. That lives of others, green as it may seem is not always so.

I think we should all once in our lives come out in the open, scream/shout/fight and stop pretending to be perfect. Because no one is anyway.

Today, the girl's engagement party went on with pomp and show, no one in the family showing the slightest trace of what happened yesterday. Because thats one good thing about Indian families, we stick together no matter what, even if it is just to put up a face.

Scrubs

“The easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly.”

-JD in Scrubs.

Out of my comfort zone

I wish I hadn't made this post. Starting Monday I have to travel 20km (or more?) to work. I am going to be positive about this though knowing that my plan backfired does bother me....just a little bit. Politics at work if nothing is vary vary interesting.

In other news, I am 19 according to the voters list. Good it feels.


Coming soon 'How to make best of 4 hrs (or more?) of travelling a day'. Watch this space.

I use google news only partially to get my daily dose of the news. If you see my web history, I rarely click on a news item and if I do its usually general news.

Yet google grossly underestimates my intelligence by recommending either bollywood or other sleazy news.

and...


My search history is also very clean. I wont post a snapshot of that ,you'll have to take my word for it. Whatever profiling they do is obviously not working.

I am not one bit happy about this :X

Virgle

I didn't fall for this, this year. But I know some people who did :D

Team Lunch

Organizing lunch for a group of 30 is a stressful affair. There are people opposing the location, cuisine, the seating, the lighting and just about everything. But then they (the hungry ravenous souls ) eat like theres no tomorrow. Stress apart, I now have to explain the exceeded budget to the PTBs on Monday. Bah!

B'lore is under construction, please visit later.

A post that I had drafted few days back when I was terribly annoyed and irked, I decided not to post it then but I see no harm why shouldn't now. The cynic in me has a strong voice, dominating my thoughts and opinions but I'd like to think that one day things will get better, that this city has hope.

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The worst excuse I ever heard was at a conference few days back where the person on being forty five minutes late says "I apologize on behalf on Bangalore's traffic for being late". What the? By now everyone knows you can't state traffic as an excuse anymore. Traffic is bad (to put it mildly) and that is that. Even I am sick of cribbing about it all day long. The problem with us is we wait till we have a problem, wait till it gets worse and then discuss the problem endlessly until we tire ourselves. Like the new airport. Why weren't there enough people talking about the bad choice of location and the innumerable transport problems when the project started rather than now when it is nearing completion? That time, I actually thought it was a good idea to have a new airport considering the bad state the present one is in, why was I so short sighted? Why don't we have enough people to predict the problems we may face and prevent them?

Ok so I am rambling here but the noise, the chaos, the mess is driving me nuts and when I hear myself complain about it to the next person it drives me all the more crazy at my helplessness and the ridiculousness that the situation is. The same things are being said over and over and over. So I blog.

Right now I'd rather be the person living out far away reminiscing about the good times, about VB dosas, MTR idlis and by-two Kapi rather than be here and eat the dosas.

I know why the caged bird sings.

Weekdays revolved on a sameness wheel. They turned into themselves so steadily and inevitably that each seemed to be the original of yesterday's rough draft. Saturdays, however, always broke the mold and dared to be different.

-Excerpt from Maya Angelou's 'I know why the caged bird sings'.

I had been looking for this book ever since Oprah mentioned it on her show some five years back, the book was either out of stock or never stocked. And then I forgot about it until I saw it at a book fair few months back. I couldn't have chosen a more perfect time to read this. It is the perfect book for summer (more so if is raining in summer) and it coupled with the long laid back weekend reminded of everything I missed about summer holidays. It reminded me of a time when everyday felt like a Saturday.

Autobiographical work of Maya Angelou, it is about growing up black in small town in Arkansas. Beautifully written, a must read especially if you loved Harper Lee's To Kill a Mocking bird.

Dear Raghu, Part 5

Dear Raghu,

This episode was fun because it was fair. So much that one could see shreds of humility even in Anmol. Could it be possible that all the episodes be fair and just? But then I guess the show wouldn't be as popular and I might not be writing these pointless letters to you and asking questions to which answers I already know.

Btw, I would love to audition to be a judge on Roadies 6. So would Ringchen. How does one apply, not be a roadie but to be a panelist? We are willing to provide our services for free. Please let us know.

Shradha

Previously,

Dear Raghu, 1
Dear Raghu, 2
Dear Raghu, 3
Dear Raghu, 4

Dear Raghu, Part 4

Dear Raghu,

All the effort you put in designing the tasks and games are an utter waste of time. Why don't you change the format of the game to something like this :

1. Put all roadies in a room, let them all fight and call each other names all day long. (You might want to change the name of the show to MTV Roomies)
2. Make sure your favorite person or HER team wins immunity one way or the other.
3. Have a vote out.

Much simpler, no?

Sigh, even my letters to you are getting predictable. But I must say I am looking forward to the next show where you tell the roadies what a horrible job they are doing, its time someone told them that.

Until then, be good.

Shradha

Previously,

Dear Raghu, 1
Dear Raghu, 2
Dear Raghu, 3

Dear Raghu, Part 3

Dear Raghu,

Last episode was ugly. Did you intend on it being this way? It is sometimes hard to believe people on the show are kids, some as young as 18 and 19. Sometimes I don't like what I see. They constantly say its all in the game, but its not really, what we see is a reflection of their personalities. There is only so much one can fake.The cursing, the bitching, the backstabbing, the plotting and scheming is not part of the game it is part of who they are. Given this, it scares me to think that Shambhavi at 18 can be a conniving little fox (I don't like the world bitch- how is a female dog derogatory? I like the word bitching though) and makes use of people to such an extent. And Anmol, I hope someone gives her a does of reality, she thinks she doesn't want to be around the others truth is no one wants to be around her. To make things worse these people actually think they are on the show because they are special. Next season the Shambhavis and Anmols will be forgotten but what will happen to them? Do you think they are going to see themselves and the ugliness on television and wake up? Will their experience on roadies help them be better people or will they grow more obnoxious? Or maybe, hopefully, they will just grow up.

This is why reality shows are fun. You see real people and real emotions, see them make fools of themselves and you secretly thank that you aren't like any of them. So yeah for me it is entertainment but I also sometimes worry for them. Do you ever?
Does your conscience bother you that you meddle with the lives of young people and make money out of it?


Shradha

Previously,

Dear Raghu, 1
Dear Raghu, 2

Law of Time vs Enthusiasm

The desire to do new and different things that interest you is inversely proportional to the spare time you have.

I am now relatively free at work and my enthusiasm levels to do anything have dropped to zero. Being 'available' on gtalk gives only momentary relief from the boredom. I have four posts drafted, will post them when I get busy again.

Postscript :
At the end of each post I face this arduous task of finding labels or tags that best suit the post. Believe me its not easy. There is no 'reuse'. I create different describing the same things (office, work???). I now realize there is no label for boredom. Which is impossible because so many of my posts are boredom inspired. The feature that I dearly welcomed in the new blogger is now turning into a pain in the you know where and the whole purpose is lost. Pah!

Dear Raghu, Part 2.

Dear Raghu,

Why do I get the feeling that some things are fixed on your show? Like the part where Shambhavi wins the roulette? This is like Bani all over again isn't it? I thought her winning the 'advantage' was also unduly unfair. To quote from what you said to Snehashish the other day, 'you are making it obvious'. Maybe you should cut it down a bit next time, don't you think? Besides I don't understand why you picked Shambhavi this season, Bani was fun, this one is pure evil. Well, lets see how long she lasts, or how long you let her last.

I will be writing more often to you now so watch this space.

I love you less but I still love you,
Shradha

Previously,
Dear Raghu, Part 1.

A letter.

Who is Raghuram?

Executive Producer of MTV Roadies/judge....yella ok, but who are you really? Just want to say, I love you. If I ever want to take up that course on psychology and human behavior seriously, I will come to you. Please be nice to me.

I don't forget conversations. I remember your every word, the way you said it, the awkward pause, the disappointment in your voice. And I play them in my head over and over until I want to hear it no more. Sometimes I wish I hadn't said the things I said. Sometimes I wish I had said it better.

I hate photography.

I hate photography. And here are some random thoughts on the subject, random because try as I may I cannot put them across in a coherent way.

1. I am your muse.

From being extremely camera shy to being obsessed with my own photographs, I have made an incredible progress. There are more pictures of me taken last year alone than whole of my adult life put together. Heh, the cafeteria people at work even used my picture as a backdrop in their mails to promote a 'biryani' festival. Without my consent that is. Twice. If they use it again I will sue them (or ask for royalty) But yeah the narcism is all thanks to digital cameras, gone are the days when an entire event had to be captured in 32 pics. I now insist on taking 32 pics of one pose, at least one is bound to be good.(Good = human, not zombie like). But I still hate photography. How else can you explain the 31 bad pictures? (Bad = zombie like, zombie from another planet that is)

2. Shutterbug = blabbermouth?

Yes I know you take pride in knowing every minute detail about the camera, every single part it is made of down to the very tiny screw that holds the I don't know what......but keep the gyan to yourself. I am happy being ignorant and I'll keep it simple. How hard is to press one button really? In my opinion, too much technicality ruins the joy. Besides all that talk about filters, exposure, light mumbo jumbo only gives me a headache. It should be impulsive. You see something nice, you click. You want to capture a moment you click. Like the time I saw these two tiny pups tugging on its mom's tail. Or like when I saw that board that said 'Don't stick any bills. Stickers will be prosecuted'. Those make good pictures, not your knowledge of how the camera came into existence.

3. There's a camera in the way.

Do you sometimes get the feeling that when you are having loads of fun, taking pictures actually comes in the way? And many a times, you get so preoccupied with taking pictures that you stop having fun and fuss about the snaps. I'd rather enjoy the moment than worry about it not being 'picture perfect'. You know all those photos that people put up on orkut or facebook? They aren’t really having fun. They only want you to believe they are.

4. My friend, the camera.

The only times I have enjoyed taking pictures is when I am all on my own. Holding a camera is the perfect excuse to not look awkward or loserish. Traveling alone, the camera makes a perfect companion. Otherwise, I am happy with my 2MP mobile phone camera, that is all that I need for impulsive photography. And your smuggled, flashy (pun intended) one of a kind state-of-the-art, high precision camera does not give me a complex. Oh, I also hate complicated equipment.

I hate photography. But I like photographs. So save me the lecture on how you took them and how you fixed them, just show me the damn pictures. They should speak for you.